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School's killing me. I'm so happy it's over soon. My God.. four months? Something like that. Then off to the community college, which isn't great, but it'll be a fuck of a lot better. I got my tech prep credits today! My certificate states that I have 2/2 credits earned towards ARCC, which means I've saved about $360 on tuition. Wahoo! At least it's something.

I'm sooo tired. I really need sleep.. but I don't see the opportunity coming any time soon. I have yet to shower.. I think I'll have to put it off another day x.x ugh. I also need to wash my clothes. My basket's overflowing, and I've just about run out of wearable clothing at this point. I wish I knew someone who could do it all for me, so I could just do homework and be done with it all. There's way too much to be done.

So all my tests start tomorrow. I'm going in to get a bunch of blood drawn, and pick up that jug thing the doctor ordered. We might pick up the prescription I got to help my cramps, too. On Saturday Tiff and I are going to Rosedale to help her shop for a prom dress. I can hardly afford a ticket to prom, let alone a new dress, so I'll just have to reuse the one from last year. It's pretty enough anyway. Anyways, after that I start the jug test thing, which means I have to stay at home for a straight twenty four hours.. ugh. I dunno if I'm gonna live.

Well, whatever. Hopefully I don't feel too retarded tomorrow.
Current Mood:
tired tired
Current Music:
Nothin'
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Yey for banking. I'm so glad to have that assignment over. Tiff and I did it together, we went to Cub's TCF and the nearby Wells Fargo to collect info for our Independent Living assignment. Wells Fargo seems like the better deal, however I know nothing about gifts or special circumstances, so I can't truly pass judgment.

Dan was sad today! D: It made me very worried and a little depressed. His English teacher pissed him off again. Her tests are so obscure that he can't apply what he studied to them. This last one he got a 5/29, which is a serious all time low for him. I felt bad mostly because I can't do anything about it.. all I have are words and hugs. This is really important to him, and I really wish I could do something... urgh.

I really love him though. Nobody could ever affect me the same way he does. I'm so happy.. I honestly feel the same way about him now as I did about a week into the relationship this last time he asked me out. HAPPY! WRAH!

Anyways.. enough of the sappy stuff. I can't remember if I mentioned this before- at the furmeet on Saturday we had decided Dan was a Snow Leapord, and since I've started a small series of drawings of my wolf character (not Bright or Meli T.), and I don't think I can post them on DA cuz a couple are pretty.. hm. pr0nish? Only if people want to see them will I find the time to scan them.

That is all.
Current Mood:
groggy Goofy
Current Music:
BYOB- System of a Down
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So I photoshopped a new icon.. I love my pirate kitteh! :D
Current Mood:
jubilant joyous
Current Music:
Alegria
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Holy crap. I had forgotten just how much I loved this song.. and the circus in general. My God. I just realized how much I miss my miming classes, and all the incredible people I met there.. and the only artistic circus I've ever been to, let alone performed in. I just downloaded Alegria, from the Cirque du Soleil performance. I looked up the lyrics, and realized there was I lot I didn't know about it. For instance, it's written in three parts. The first I believe is Italian, the second English, and the third in Spanish- back in the day, I thought it was all in French. Shows how much I know. Anyways.. I'm kinda pining away right now I guess. I'm not necessarily sad. But I feel again. Which sounds really weird.. I'm so happy I'm crying I guess is what I mean to say. This song very deeply affects me for some reason. It's so.. beautiful. Dramatic. Everything. Woof.
Current Mood:
calm Comfy.
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'm in a really strange mood.. kinda.. I dunno. Lethargic/nostalgic/ecstatic/calm/ready to kill anyone who ruins my strange mood. Weird, right? Right.

Speaking of physical conditions.. wow. I might be getting some drastic changes this summer.. most of them not anything anyone would notice unless I told them. Either way, I'm positive that my confidence will skyrocket from there, because I really, really am uncomfortable with the way I am under my clothes. Not many of you know, but I have a lot of stretch marks around my hips, thighs and upper calves- I'm not far enough overweight for those to be normal apparently. I've had them since eighth grade or so, and ever since I've dreaded the fact that people would see my legs when in a bathing suit. I got out of the shower today, where mom was going potty, and I mentioned that Tiff had given me some lotion to see if it would help. Mom said that's cool, but it might not work with mine, because it might be more of a condition than just some stretching skin- especially since they've been renewing themselves for so long. So she's going to take me to see Dr. Mezna, our family's dermatologist, and see if he can do something for me. Which would be fucking awesome- I didn't know that anything could be done for something like this. I may have mentioned before that I might be getting a nose job- for medical reasons of being born with a crooked septum. A major frusteration of mine has been bloody noses- especially during school, because three years ago a rumor had circulated that I was on crack because my nose was always randomly bleeding. That's all over now, but the nosebleeds still piss me off. When I get old, I'll probably die by nosebleed if it's not fixed. Damn exposed veins. Anywho, that will all be great to get over with. I'll feel a lot better than I do, I'm sure.

Yeah. Well, I've had a great weekend. Friday Dan slept over, we just kinda hung out and didn't do much, then the same the next day, until the afternoon when we went to his house and played some Red Alert. Then we went to the Furmeet by way of Nauta, which I was extremely happy by the end that Dan seemed to be getting a lot more comfortable than he had been. He actually talked to people! Yey! And we also decided his fursona was that of a snow leapord. So I've started a new series of drawings of us, myself as a wolf, and him as said leapord. Wahoo. Then we were dropped off, where we played more Red Alert, then went to bed. Sunday morning we woke up and cuddled a while, then played more Red Alert, then had breakfast, then Red Alert again. I can't remember much after that.. I remember going to McDonalds, then coming home to talk about parents and the possibility of Dan and I moving to Colorado somewhere down the road. My faith was renewed when it comes to being a doctor, as my mom and aunt are determined to help me through it. OBGYN here I come!

Well, that's about it. I have a faint headache now.. So I think I'm going to bed.
Current Mood:
weird weird
Current Music:
System of a Down- Chop Suey
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What an emotionally messed-up week. I can't even remember how it all started.. Dan spent the night at my house on.. I think Friday? Maybe. I dunno. But when we got back to his house, his parents had left for the weekend anniversary trip, leaving a list of rules, one of which saying that no girls were to be over past twelve, when Dan had said that I could spend the night. I felt really depressed about this, as I had been looking forward to this and have become increasingly more disappointed by people in general lately. Plus I was PMSing like a mofo. I had a little episode- I couldn't stop crying. And Dan wouldn't apologize, or sympathize in any way with my feelings. In fact, he took it as a personal attack. His indignancy and cold attitude only made things worse, making me angry at him as well as angry at everything else. So that night I went to Tiffany's, where I tried to calm down playing Soul Calibur II, Sims 2 and watched her play some of Silent Hill. The next day, we woke up to the phone ringing, and it ended up being Justine calling for a ride to work. At first Tiff didn't want to go, until I reminded her that we were planning on going to Target in the morning anyways, so she could get a new PS2 controller. So she agreed, and Justine promised us a free pass into Showplace 16 (as that's where she works) later that day. We were like, sweet, then went to Target, picked up a controller and went back to Tiff's. We played games for most the day, then I called my parents to see if it was alright if I went to the movie, then I timidly called Dan, asking if he wanted to come, too. At first he said no, then he called back later and said sure. Then Tiff decided to invite one of her new male interests, Bob, to go with us. So we give up on Justine around 5:00 pm or so, when she said she'd call at four, and went to East Bethel to pick up Bob, and his cousin ended coming with us, too. We all went to Dan's after that, hanging out for the short time before the movie, then took off at the set time.

So we went to see Final Destination 3. Two words: unnecessary gore. I don't remember the other two being quite so grisly. Some parts I can understand, like the tanning booths and the weights.. but did that fan thing have to slice through that guy's head a second time? Seriously. Anyways, it was about the same as all the other final destinations; traumatic, sad, chilling, whatever you might want to call it. I liked it though, despite its horror roots.

After the movie, the five of us went back to Dan's again to partake in DDR. He and I went up to make a pizza, where we proceeded to sit on the floor and talk nonchalantly as it cooked. I had meant to bring up the previous issues and apologize for them, but I had not quite gotten the loophole opportunity, so we went back down when the food was done and all ate and were joyous. A little while later Tiff leaves with Bob and his cousin to take them home, intending to leave Dan and I alone for a while and come back for me later. In that time we did talk about the issues.. I can't remember what was said, but it was resolved, and we spent the rest of the time cuddling and having a deep discussion on parenting methods.

Then Tiff came back, picked me up and brought me back to her house. There was some sort of filler in between, but I can't remember what it was, but the second supposed highlite of my weekend was a little shindig Tiff was throwing at her house on Monday. Myself, Dan, Alicia and John were there, and John brought Mike's Hard Lemonade stuff and Jack Daniels. I had no intentions to drink much, as drinking heavily has always been one of my main fears, that I might treat someone the way Jen's dad treated us when he was drunk. Ugh. Well, anyway, the party was going pretty good for a while. It wasn't even a party really- It was me and Dan on the couch cuddling, Alicia and John a little space apart on the couch and Tiff sitting back as we all watched a couple seasons of South Park on DVD. After a while, Dan started looking kind of strange.. he gets certain looks when he's depressed, angry and such.. and this is one I hadn't really seen before. I asked him repeatedly if he was okay, he said, yeah, fine, and just kinda squeezed me. The final time I asked him he was okay, he gave me the standard reply. Then I told him I love him, and gave him a big hug. He kinda patted my back, and said, "Love you too... I think...". ..And with that, all emotion or physical intention froze. I stared at him for a minute, trying to pretend like I wasn't as wounded by that as I was, but I apparently am horrible at concealing feelings. He asked me if I wanted to talk, I nodded and he took me into Tiff's room. We sat on the bed.. and again.. I can hardly remember what was said. I don't think I even said anything, actually. Just sat there and stared at him as he explained that he didn't love me anymore, but I'm apparently not the only one he didn't love. He didn't love his parents anymore, his dog, or any of the hobbies he had spent years working on. He proceeded as I began to cry, saying that he wanted to find help, some sort of counselor or psychologist or something, because he knows that he should love me, and he should love everything else that has been so close to him. I think we spent about 45 minutes in the bedroom, mostly him trying to comfort me. We didn't break up- he was just telling me his status at the time.

After coming out of the room, we sat on the couch, me just kind of staring distantly staring off to space for an hour or so. Dan's dad called, telling Dan he couldn't spend the night at Tiff's but I could spend the night at his house. I really felt like I needed to talk to him more, so I asked Tiff if it were okay if I left her with John and Alicia, and for a while she seemed fine with it. Dan huddled with me into the couch.. and for a while I tuned out everything until I realized that Dan was shaking my shoulder lightly, telling me in a rather exhuberant voice that he loved me again. Apparently telling someone about his depression was all he needed to make it feel better.. For that, I am very happy. However.. I wasn't so okay. I still felt like I had been dumped. Yeah, I was extremely relieved, but I was exhausted and hurt by the previous events and just wasn't feeling too friendly. And, when I left, Tiff looked really pissed at me for no reason I knew of. She didnt' say goodbye to me.. she hardly acknowledged me at all. Geh. So Dan and I went to his house, where he worked on fixing his site that had been hacked by a so-called friend as I talked to Nauta and Angie online a little about the day's ordeal. That night Cooch came over, too, and we spent a late night watching movies on On Demand. The next day, Cooch left before I woke up, and Dan and I played some Red Alert. Then he took me home, because he had college, and I called Tiff to apologize for whatever I might have done. She felt happy afterwards, and I felt better, then I did some Tae Bo.. which I dropped out of about 30 minutes into it. That was the first night I spent at my house since Friday.

Well, all is well with Dan and I again, as far as I know, and until Tiff's parents come home on Friday I'll be sleeping at her house, keeping her and her dog company. Lots of love everybody.
Current Mood:
complacent complacent
Current Music:
Freedom- 12 Girls Band
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I hate Algebra. Hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate!! UGH. No matter how hard I try, I fail every test and quiz. Last quiz, I got 2/9. What's extremely puzzling about the situation is that I do just-fucking-fine on the homework. I have every assignment turned in, and the majority of the problems on them are correct, save for like one assignment. I currently have a D in the class. It's really, really pissing me off.

I've figured out why I've been so damn pissy and emotional about everything for the past three days. It was really starting to concern and frusterate me. Yeah, I got my period. My first clue was Tiffany mentioning she had hers, I was like, oh, we're usually similar schedules. But for some reason it didn't register. Man.. I cried twice in school today. I was so depressed and pissed off about nothing terribly important. I hate my period.

There was one good point in today, though. I went to group, where Ms.Rutt had taken the extra gifts that the Alexandra House didn't want (She works there, so it's okay. There was a ton of Mary Kay make-up; for those who don't know, Mary Kay is pretty high quality and expensive. And we got a lot of make-up, all of which suits our skin tones quite well. It was an awesome surprise, on such a shitty day.

However, there was bad news in group. It made me want to smack myself in the forehead and sink through the floor. I had brought some baby pictures to group, and the extremely annoying girl that I may have mentioned before looked at them. Then she realized that I was Pat's sister, and she knew Leah, Pat's sort of ex-girlfriend, and Leah was Matt's younger sister- after which I had told the story of my problems of Matt at least twice. She's like, "Oh, you dated Matt!" And I'm just like.. FUCK. I kinda laughed nervously, turned to Tiff and shot her a very apprehensive look. My only hope is that she's too stupid to put two and two together.. and that she follows the group's oath of what's said there, stays there. I would rather she not go blabbing, "Oh, yeah, your ex is in my abuse recovery group because some Matt guy raped her.." to Matt or Leah, who then would be very angry at me, because I'm sure Matt didn't think of it as rape and Leah would obviously side with her brother. And their mom would certainly be pissed. God I hate people.

Fighting at school's growing into a serious problem. Every other day, the kids at the "black table" start wailing on each other. Today I was walking to Ms. Sams' room to get my coat, when a tiny kid in front of me playfully pushed a larger kid, I assume his friend. Then the larger kid proceeded to grab the smaller kid by the head and slug him with extreme force in the face. I stopped, rather horrified, to see if the kid was okay as the bigger one went running out the school doors. The kid didn't say anything to me, just jumped and ran after the one who ran away. As I was stopped making sure that kid was okay, this girl shoves past me, saying "Out of my way, fucking bitch." I was just like.. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!

So, being the overemotional roller coaster I was, I dodged into Sams' room and vented, along with tears of frusteration, then calmed down and we talked a little. Then I went to make up an algebra test, then Dan picked me up and we went to his house. We played Red Alert, then I helped him finish his English project. After that we took off to get his hair cut at the Hair Station, where I met his friendly regular stylist. He was pretty cool. While Dan got his hair cut, I made a Poser model of some lady doing kung fu. It was good fun, then Dan dropped me off at home, where I vented some to mom then took a shower, and now am sitting here trying to calm down, because I'm starting to panic over what happened in group. I really.. really don't want Matt mad. I don't think he would hunt me down and kill me, but he'd forever ruin me socially, because he's the rumor king.

Anyways.. gotta calm down. Good night.
Current Mood:
scared Fuck.
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Well.. it wasn't the best Valentine's day ever :P. But it was cool all the same. The first downer was that I was extremely sore and tired, which I may have mentioned before. Then Dan invited Sable and Coocher to dinner, which is fine, except for the fact that Sable was staring at me menacingly the whole time. I was just like.. whatever. After dinner, with Cooch being his normal offensive self, we headed back to Dan's house. We pulled out the futon, and the two of us couples cuddled as we watched Night of the Living Dead, which I had never seen before. The original, that is. It was surprisingly scary, for being such an old movie. I was scared to go potty afterwards. Hehe. Then Cooch and Sable left, and I was less than full of common sense at that point because.. I dunno. I guess I'm just exhausted or something. I don't feel to tired, but I'm not functioning very well. I kept dropping things and forgetting things, and losing the simple arguments that always lace Dan and my conversations. Which I think kind of frusterated Dan, because in a hurry to get me home. The thing that bothered me most though was that Dan's dad through a hissy fit about Dan not going to college today because he had so much homework in everything else. So Dan's dad spazzed, stressing him out more, and that just made me frusterated and a little angry that he won't let Dan make his own decisions.

Anyways. I'll be going to bed after these children leave my room. So goodnight, and love to all. Happy Valentine's Day!
Current Mood:
loved loved
Current Music:
To Zanarkand- Nobuo Uematsu
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This has to be my favorite holiday. I know, I know, it's all commercialized bullshit, but it's the one day of the year I get to exclusively cuddle and have an excuse to. Plus I often get stuff :P It's always a plus, but certainly not required. I got Dan and Tiff little boxes of chocolates since we're poor now, but at least it's something. In about 20 minutes he's coming to get me and we'll be going to dinner. We may go back to his house, I'm not sure, but if his dad decides not to be an ass all should be well with the world. I'll let you know how it goes if I'm not too tired.
Current Mood:
calm calm
Current Music:
Concerning Hobbits- Howard Shore
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Alright, this is kinda spontaneous, but I've taken up Tae Bo. I don't have the money or the time, or the patience for the lack of discipline at any sort of studio these days, so I'm using my mom's "Billy's Bootcamp" DVD's. They're really wonderful. I've only done the basic training video so far, but holy crap, towards the end it got pretty intense. I kinda peetered out and sat here at the computer and watched them do their thing, until time came to stretch at the end. The end was incredibly relaxing. They did this sort of yoga thing, with a lot of graceful hand and arm movements, and some breathing exercizes that felt really good.Then it was over.. it's gonna take at least a week, I think, to be able to keep up with the video, but I think I can do it. Everything except the jacknifes. -shudder- I couldn't do the situps or the jumping jacks, either- because my chest is too heavy :( I ended up doing this naked, because I couldn't find my sportsbra and I was extremely hot. I'm hoping to go down in cup size, to be honest. I'm a D cup now, and it's not a happy thing. I was perfectly fine with a C. My bras don't fit anymore, and I realized my pants around the hip area are quite tight. So I need to keep this up. So, I'm off to take a hopefully relaxing bath.
Current Mood:
chipper chipper
Current Music:
Clocks- Twelve Girls Band
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